A birthday gift for Lara

The lovely Lara has requested gifts for her birthday. Not gifts for herself, mind you, but gifts of the virtual sort for other people.

This gift is for my mom, though I'm not going to tell her about it. I don't talk about my mom much here, but we don't really have the greatest relationship. My parents' divorce created rifts and issues that will probably never be fixed, and I find it hard to spend time with her for any period longer than 24 hours (and only then with an activity). We probably get along best on the phone, but we still rub each other the wrong way whenever we talk about anything important.

Mom, I'm giving you the gift of my sense of humor. For some reason I take everything you say seriously, so when you say things that could be snippy but could also be a joke, I tend to take them in a negative fashion. I don't know if you're joking, but I'm going to try and believe you are. I know you're a nice person, deep down, so I'm going to try and give you the benefit of the doubt.